some fall in love
others love the idea of love
some thirst for water
others sip champagne in delight
poetry
i’ve fallen for you
you’re a scarf to smoothen out of place strands
you’re velvet to skin
cognac to the lost weeper
tea drank by the grassy bank
a sail to brave through strong winds and tides
pot of gold under the rainbow
a listener, comforter
nurse to the banes of my life
It’s as hard to explain
As it is to watch
Because today, Calm won’t even as much
Meet my eyes, or break into embrace
Two or three gather
There’s a crowd
Involuntarily losing control
I must prepare myself
A breath in, a breath out
What am I inviting in?
What am I letting out?
I’m held back suddenly
Silence, as I try to articulate
It’s like I have no voice
And something keeps pulling at my nape
Ten fingers, seemingly turned dozen
I tell you, Calm is out for me
She steals my voice
Latches onto my neck
And casts me into the springs of anxiety
And what I have been dreading,
Has come to pass.
Cornered and tormented,
Today is that day.
I face the music, I am found out.
Confronted by the voices,
After a myriad of disguises.
And which of them was best?
I say to you…
Imagine trying to see colour
In a world of darkness
Today, unfortunately,
I can no longer comfort
The imposter in me
When the hours are long gone
And we ache in our bones
A place of rest, we find to repose
So we close our eyes, and curl our toes
And for some hours or more, our troubles subside
But in the middle of the night, we awaken wide
And are reminded once again of our pending perils
Wishing we could sleep forever, take some sleeping pills
To forget all our worries and put them on hold
But it continues years and years, till we are frail and old
Realizing then, the fallacies on TV we’ve been sold
Only maybe, we’d be closer to a forever sleep
Shutting our eyes, one final time, with all our uncertainties buried away deep.
Elsie
My eyes must unsee
False hope and regret.
Before we lose our sanity
I should go…
My hands must unlock your grip
Know a freedom of their own.
Before we pull back into embrace
I should go…
My body must unlearn
A home it once knew.
Before we cross the line
I should go…
He’s in the shower
I sit at the nightstand
Wiping off lip rouge
Taking off my dainty pearls
The moon appears
And I can hear the wind whistling
For a moment I’m fixated in a distant past
Remembering vividly, the tryst, that tryst
A common visitor, this curiosity
Mere seconds only,
I cannot help but ask…
‘Have I settled?’
Fears, aspirations, desires
Hang in the attic, as shelled hope
Not to be seen
But now it’s hard to breathe
As the aura is strewn
With hanging hope
Hitting against one another
A walk in the attic
Is deemed to be bittersweet
For broken pieces of hope
Pierce the feet
Taut muscles constrict that visitor
With a hazy view of what could be
Of what is left, of hanging hope.
Anxiety, sudden rain to my drought
To hear my name, and be plunged into deep thought
My gullet resembles a spiky chain
See my iris, a dark, rainy cloud
Drop by drop
My energy seeps via the invisible openings
My brain is flooded
The rain has been troublesome
And post its thunderous display
I stand in the mud of my vulnerability
I wanted more
I wanted more, now
I wanted to be soaked in
Like an orchid in the rain
I wanted pampering
I wanted a haven
I wanted to feel safe
Like a pearl in his calloused palm
He does this thing
That sets my pulse racing
I’m a rocket, launched up high
To a world of my own.
And when he talks
My mind is too loud
My eyes want to be plucked out
And my face is a red tomato.
I put myself together
With such concerted effort
But no matter what
This mind will not be quietened.
In seconds he has me undone
Behind my fragile smile,
I’m praying he hasn’t seen me fret
Because I’m a mess inside.
And should he hold my hand
God only knows,
That whatever is left binding my composure
Would be weakened.
bowendiaries 